Generous strangers and loved ones have pulled me from more than one
rut. The impulse to pay it back, forward and sideways is
a reason to get out of bed in the darkness and fight off
the demons who haunt me, inexplicably, whispering, “Psst,
end this life, it’s absurd, you’re in pain, make it stop.” You know what?
Fuck you, demons. You don’t know my life. You see only
unhappiness because it’s what you feed on. But there is also great
love and joy and mystery and kindness and beauty, and for that I am
grateful.